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jamesmarshall
05-08-2012, 10:24
Dear Rubber Tramp,
This is an egg related difficulty which I hope yo can help me with. This morning I was in discussion with jackie about the width of my toast soldiers which I told her should be a standard three quarters of an inch wide. Jackie doesn't appear to understand this (I think its because she works in millimetres). Anyway my question is, should I prioritise putting the front door back on its hinges or attempt to remove the egg yoke stains from the wallpaper. Please excuse any spelling mistakes as I am still picking toast crumbs from my eyes and my glasses are smeared with 'I can't Believe Its not Butter'

Funky Farmer
05-08-2012, 10:32
Dear Rubber Tramp,
This is an egg related difficulty which I hope yo can help me with. This morning I was in discussion with jackie about the width of my toast soldiers which I told her should be a standard three quarters of an inch wide. Jackie doesn't appear to understand this (I think its because she works in millimetres). Anyway my question is, should I prioritise putting the front door back on its hinges or attempt to remove the egg yoke stains from the wallpaper. Please excuse any spelling mistakes as I am still picking toast crumbs from my eyes and my glasses are smeared with 'I can't Believe Its not Butter'

Soldiers size depends on the egg to be dunked. A bantam egg is different to an ostrich egg ( I read that somewhere)

Hope this helps you with your problem.

jamesmarshall
05-08-2012, 10:35
Soldiers size depends on the egg to be dunked. A bantam egg is different to an ostrich egg ( I read that somewhere)

Hope this helps you with your problem.

Now you're beginning to sound like Jackie

Funky Farmer
05-08-2012, 10:38
Now you're beginning to sound like Jackie

It's these tight trousers

snowbirds
05-08-2012, 11:01
Hi Jamesmarshall,

You should tell jackie before cutting toast soldiers she must measure the width of the egg 9mm down from the top then take off 6mm and this is the width of the soldiers to give a clearance so the toast will not jam on the shell.If this is done every time she should have no more problems. As to the door it's a warm day,so do it when you get back from the pub. As long as jackie has done the Sunday Dinner.You may also have to duck after explaining this. GOOD LUCK.

Snowbirds.:danger:




Dear Rubber Tramp,
This is an egg related difficulty which I hope yo can help me with. This morning I was in discussion with jackie about the width of my toast soldiers which I told her should be a standard three quarters of an inch wide. Jackie doesn't appear to understand this (I think its because she works in millimetres). Anyway my question is, should I prioritise putting the front door back on its hinges or attempt to remove the egg yoke stains from the wallpaper. Please excuse any spelling mistakes as I am still picking toast crumbs from my eyes and my glasses are smeared with 'I can't Believe Its not Butter'

jamesmarshall
05-08-2012, 11:54
Hi Jamesmarshall,

You should tell jackie before cutting toast soldiers she must measure the width of the egg 9mm down from the top then take off 6mm and this is the width of the soldiers to give a clearance so the toast will not jam on the shell.If this is done every time she should have no more problems. As to the door it's a warm day,so do it when you get back from the pub. As long as jackie has done the Sunday Dinner.You may also have to duck after explaining this. GOOD LUCK.

Snowbirds.:danger:

Thanks for this advice Snowbirds. i shall bring this up with Jackie just as soon as the bruising to my windpipe goes down enougth to allow me to talk again.

Funky Farmer
05-08-2012, 12:56
Hi Jamesmarshall,

You should tell jackie before cutting toast soldiers she must measure the width of the egg 9mm down from the top then take off 6mm and this is the width of the soldiers to give a clearance so the toast will not jam on the shell.If this is done every time she should have no more problems. As to the door it's a warm day,so do it when you get back from the pub. As long as jackie has done the Sunday Dinner.You may also have to duck after explaining this. GOOD LUCK.

Snowbirds.:danger: Ain't science wonderful:bow:

vindiboy
05-08-2012, 13:27
Soldiers should always be dipped feet first into the Egg Yolk which should NEVER be more than Blood heat, [ more Humane ] that way.:tongue::tongue:

Rubbertramp
06-08-2012, 20:03
Dear Rubber Tramp,
This is an egg related difficulty which I hope yo can help me with. This morning I was in discussion with jackie about the width of my toast soldiers which I told her should be a standard three quarters of an inch wide. Jackie doesn't appear to understand this (I think its because she works in millimetres). Anyway my question is, should I prioritise putting the front door back on its hinges or attempt to remove the egg yoke stains from the wallpaper. Please excuse any spelling mistakes as I am still picking toast crumbs from my eyes and my glasses are smeared with 'I can't Believe Its not Butter'

Dear James
Please do not worry about your inability to grasp the metric values of your toast. Most people born before February the fifteenth 1971 have difficulty with these new-fangled measurements. I mean who hasn't ever come out from the builders merchants crying like a baby after asking for six metres of four by two only to be scolded like a naughty schoolboy and told "it's twenty five feet of 100 x 47 you moron!" then getting whacked about the head by said piece of timber.....I know I have!
It is plain to me that your wife fails to understand the beauty of something the size of three quarters of an inch as opposed to fifteen milligrommits or one and five eighths of a centipede or whatever it is. Indeed in our correspondence from late last year I seem to remember that Jackie was unable to understand some other stuff like your perfectly normal slovenly and disgusting habits. Did she ever sign up for that extreme ironing course? My advice to you would be to try to get her to stop speaking German and to sign up for membership of this association ......
BRITISHWEIGHTS AND MEASURES ASSOCIATION (http://www.bwmaonline.com/Navigation.htm)

PS I'm told that the souffle effect is becoming quite fashionable as a wall covering so put that scraper away!

jamesmarshall
06-08-2012, 20:54
Dear James
Please do not worry about your inability to grasp the metric values of your toast. Most people born before February the fifteenth 1971 have difficulty with these new-fangled measurements. I mean who hasn't ever come out from the builders merchants crying like a baby after asking for six metres of four by two only to be scolded like a naughty schoolboy and told "it's twenty five feet of 100 x 47 you moron!" then getting whacked about the head by said piece of timber.....I know I have!
It is plain to me that your wife fails to understand the beauty of something the size of three quarters of an inch as opposed to fifteen milligrommits or one and five eighths of a centipede or whatever it is. Indeed in our correspondence from late last year I seem to remember that Jackie was unable to understand some other stuff like your perfectly normal slovenly and disgusting habits. Did she ever sign up for that extreme ironing course? My advice to you would be to try to get her to stop speaking German and to sign up for membership of this association ......
BRITISHWEIGHTS AND MEASURES ASSOCIATION (http://www.bwmaonline.com/Navigation.htm)

PS I'm told that the souffle effect is becoming quite fashionable as a wall covering so put that scraper away!

Dear Rubber Tramp,
as ever I am eternally greatful for the sagacity you bring to help light my way forward through the often difficult circumstances that, through no fault of my own, I occasionally find myself facing.
Regarding the egg on the wallpaper, this has now been resolved by me placing a nice picture of the sun going down over the the Salford Tripe and Hide Company over the stain. This is a very evocative and thought provoking scene ( I swear you can almost smell the boiling tripe when you gaze at it). The only problem is you now have to get on your hands and knees to admire it
I think you should also know that I stopped wearing my slovenly and disgusting habits when Jackie found where I hide them and put them through a boil wash. They just weren't the same after that.
regarding the extreme ironing course, if you were to witness Jackie ironing I suspect you would describe it as uber extreme. She needs no training in that department. I am however, still looking for an extreme welding course for her to attend.I find the thought of her wearing a large leather apron, leather gloves and a welders mask very appealing.
I will also consider membership of the British Weights and Measures Association after i've had a pint or two.

Regards

james

Funky Farmer
07-08-2012, 08:07
Just an idle thought while I'm demolishing a cup of coffee on a well earned day off after me birthday...

Walnut Whips...

Do they still make them?

As I recall, they were bleedin' horrible.

Love

Funky.

canalwheeler
07-08-2012, 08:30
Why is it always eggy soldiers? Why not eggy sailors, or eggy airmen?

Speaking as a vet* I think it's unkind dunking effigies of serving personnel in egg yoke and then biting their feet off, any road up. http://www.clicksmilies.com/s1106/spezial/Fool/nap.gif

Tone
*Veteran not Veterinary

canalwheeler
07-08-2012, 08:33
Just an idle thought while I'm demolishing a cup of coffee on a well earned day off after me birthday...

Walnut Whips...

Do they still make them?

As I recall, they were bleedin' horrible.

Love

Funky.


I once worked for a transport manager we called The Walnut Whip....... because of the way he combed his hair in a circle on top of his head to disguise a bald spot.

Tone

Funky Farmer
07-08-2012, 08:35
I once worked for a transport manager we called The Walnut Whip....... because of the way he combed his hair in a circle on top of his head to disguise a bald spot.

Tone
Funny:lol-053:

Funky Farmer
07-08-2012, 08:39
Dear Ugany Ankle

I have a medical problem that I cannot talk about, can you suggest a remedy?
(name and address supplied)

n brown
07-08-2012, 08:55
Dear Rubber Tramp,
as ever I am eternally greatful for the sagacity you bring to help light my way forward through the often difficult circumstances that, through no fault of my own, I occasionally find myself facing.
Regarding the egg on the wallpaper, this has now been resolved by me placing a nice picture of the sun going down over the the Salford Tripe and Hide Company over the stain. This is a very evocative and thought provoking scene ( I swear you can almost smell the boiling tripe when you gaze at it). The only problem is you now have to get on your hands and knees to admire it
I think you should also know that I stopped wearing my slovenly and disgusting habits when Jackie found where I hide them and put them through a boil wash. They just weren't the same after that.
regarding the extreme ironing course, if you were to witness Jackie ironing I suspect you would describe it as uber extreme. She needs no training in that department. I am however, still looking for an extreme welding course for her to attend.I find the thought of her wearing a large leather apron, leather gloves and a welders mask very appealing.
I will also consider membership of the British Weights and Measures Association after i've had a pint or two.

Regards

james

i don't like to see women ironing,glancing up from reading the paper in your favourite armchair and catching sight of an angry,red faced woman slamming a large piece of hot metal onto your shirt while glaring murderously at you through clouds of steam can be a bit unnerving. as for dressing one up in leather and a mask and giving her access to high power electrodes ? are you mad !!

oldish hippy
07-08-2012, 09:05
here you are a marriage saver7204


http://www.caraselledirect.com/_/soldier_egg_cup_toast_cutter.1985-1?View_Type=Category&CategoryFrom=249

n brown
07-08-2012, 09:17
Dear Ugany Ankle

I have a medical problem that I cannot talk about, can you suggest a remedy?
(name and address supplied)

my[ahem] friend had that,very itchy.i.i mean he,found bathing in lukewarm lard rather comforting and really enhanced my,sorry,his complexion,didn't cure it of course,so we,him and i,eagerly and scabbily,await the ankle's wisdom

vindiboy
07-08-2012, 10:43
Dear Ugany Ankle

I have a medical problem that I cannot talk about, can you suggest a remedy?
(name and address supplied)
Get yourself on the TV Programme Embarrassing Bodies, they do great cures on there and ALL in the strictest confidence, look forward to seeing your parts LOL:lol-053::lol-053::lol-053:

northernspirit2001
07-08-2012, 10:59
Thanks for a hilarious thread PMSL (its my new "word" now i've found out from some kids what it means), but you have strayed, all of you sinners, in an attempt to atone on your behalf....soldiers should be as narrow as structurally supported by the bread type for maximum yolk to bread ratio :king:

mandymops
07-08-2012, 11:43
here you are a marriage saver7204


We have the range of soldier egg cup and toast cutter. (http://www.caraselledirect.com/_/soldier_egg_cup_toast_cutter.1985-1?View_Type=Category&CategoryFrom=249)

Brilliant!

maingate
07-08-2012, 15:17
Dear Ugany Ankle

I have a medical problem that I cannot talk about, can you suggest a remedy?
(name and address supplied)

Don't worry about it. :wave:

The worst that can happen is that it turns green and falls off.

Worse things happen at sea (although you probably caught it from a sailor). :lol-049:

yorkslass
07-08-2012, 19:15
Dear Rubber Tramp,
This is an egg related difficulty which I hope yo can help me with. This morning I was in discussion with jackie about the width of my toast soldiers which I told her should be a standard three quarters of an inch wide. Jackie doesn't appear to understand this (I think its because she works in millimetres). Anyway my question is, should I prioritise putting the front door back on its hinges or attempt to remove the egg yoke stains from the wallpaper. Please excuse any spelling mistakes as I am still picking toast crumbs from my eyes and my glasses are smeared with 'I can't Believe Its not Butter'

i think your wife must be a saint, if youd been in my kitchen youd be wearing your egg:lol-053::lol-053:

jamesmarshall
07-08-2012, 19:38
here you are a marriage saver7204


We have the range of soldier egg cup and toast cutter. (http://www.caraselledirect.com/_/soldier_egg_cup_toast_cutter.1985-1?View_Type=Category&CategoryFrom=249)

Is that soldier meaure patented? I think you are on to a winner here.

jamesmarshall
07-08-2012, 19:41
Don't worry about it. :wave:

The worst that can happen is that it turns green and falls off.

Worse things happen at sea (although you probably caught it from a sailor). :lol-049:

Not from a soldier then?

jamesmarshall
07-08-2012, 19:46
as for dressing one up in leather and a mask and giving her access to high power electrodes ? are you mad !!

Now you have moved from the erotic to the downright pervie.....Mmmmmmm:lol-053:

snowbirds
07-08-2012, 19:55
Hi all

Has this blog gone off track,please help, should I wear green hunter's or pumps when I go to country vet?

Snowbirds.:rolleyes2::rolleyes2:





Now you have moved from the erotic to the downright pervie.....Mmmmmmm:lol-053:

d

Funky Farmer
07-08-2012, 21:03
He can't.. His wife has nailed one of his feet to the floor :sad:

jamesmarshall
08-08-2012, 07:18
And stuck an egg up his;)

Just the one foot and I'm going round in clucking circles:egg:

pink
08-08-2012, 23:12
Eggxellent thread!! Think i,ll stick to eggybread though,less complicated..


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