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View Full Version : How to Know You Are Getting Older



Toonman
27-11-2012, 20:35
Everthing hurts and what doesn't hurt doesn't work
The gleam in your eye is from the sun hitting your bifocals
You feel like the night before and you haven't been anywhere
Your little black book contains only numbers for doctors and consultants
Your mind makes committments your body cannot keep
You know all the answers but nobody asks you the questions
You walk with your head held high trying to get used to your new bifocals
You turn out the light for economic rather than romantic reasons
You sit in the rocking chair but can't get it going
You're startled the first time you are called a senior citizen
You get tired playing chess
Your children begin looking middle aged
You join a health club but don't go
You begin to outlive enthusiasm
You look forward to a dull evening
You knees buckle but your belt won't
You regret all those mistakes resisting temptation
You stop looking forward to your next birthday
Dialling long distance tires your arm
You remember today that yesterday was your wedding anniversary
You finally reach the top of the ladder to find it leaning against the wrong wall
Your 17 round the neck, 46 round the waist and 118 around the golf course

Funky Farmer
27-11-2012, 21:20
When your teeth don't keep up with the convesation

lotusanne
27-11-2012, 21:27
.. when you forget the names for ordinary stuff, and everything becomes the thingy! :wave:

Randonneur
27-11-2012, 21:56
When you have a brain that thinks like a 25 year old but your body can't keep up with it!! :scared:

Deleted user 21925
27-11-2012, 22:14
The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realise it.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You sing along with the elevator music.

David & Ann
27-11-2012, 22:15
When someone stops you on the street and ask you where is Wood Lane. You tell him you are not so sure but you think it is around the corner. After he goes you realise you have been standing in Wood Lane and sent the poor fellow on a wild goose chase.

David & Ann
27-11-2012, 22:51
Making a cup of tea. When you put the hot brew in the fridge instead of the milk.
Looking for your glasses and all the time it was in your hand.

MORGANTHEMOON
28-11-2012, 09:03
Making a cup of tea. When you put the hot brew in the fridge instead of the milk.
Looking for your glasses and all the time it was in your hand.

or on your head.

mariesnowgoose
28-11-2012, 09:14
Going upstairs to fetch something and forgetting what it was - not once, but 3 times!!!

mariesnowgoose
28-11-2012, 09:15
You start making grunting noises every time you get up from a chair :)

GeoffB
28-11-2012, 10:15
...and you're old enough to remember this:

When your scoring with a chick in a disco bar
Take her home in your hairy little car
Then you find you went to school with her ma and da
Your the oldest swinger in town

When you won't look in the mirror in the light of day
Swore you've dyed it when your hair turns grey
When you zip up your trousers and your belly's in the way
Your the oldest swinger in town

Here you come and there you go
White wheels sports and a stero
But the engine is jacked and the driver is too
You're the oldest swinger in town

The barber takes a little less time each week
The kids dont understand a word you speak
When you walk into a disco and they offer you a seat
You're the oldest swinger in town

You prefer a pint of shandy to Bacardi and Coke
The sounds are too loud and there's too much smoke
You'd like another dance but you're afraid you'll get a stroke
You're the oldest swinger in town

Here you come with your chest all bare
A little gold ingot and a lot of gold hair
Like the disco king meets Yogi Bear
You're the oldest swinger in town

When you're feeling as stiff as a skinhead's boot
Rub on Vick's where you used to splash Brut
And the latest punk fashion is your wedding suit
You're the oldest swinger in town

When you have to go shopping for your sex appeal
Travolta's shades and nine inch heels
They say a man is just as old as the woman he feels
Yo're the oldest swinger in town

Here you come with your lips closed tight
You never smile you know it wouldn't look right
Cause your dentures glow in the ultravoilet light
You're the oldest swinger in town

...and you look so mean
Cause your pants are too tight
You're the oldest swinger in town

...and it takes you all night
To do what you used to do all night
You're the oldest swinger in town!

kenspain
28-11-2012, 10:37
Or when you smile at a nice looking young lady on the beach and she gives you a dirty look , happening all the time with me now:lol-049::lol-049:

MORGANTHEMOON
28-11-2012, 12:12
Or when you smile at a nice looking young lady on the beach and she gives you a dirty look , happening all the time with me now:lol-049::lol-049:

Letch!

n brown
28-11-2012, 14:02
Or when you smile at a nice looking young lady on the beach and she gives you a dirty look , happening all the time with me now:lol-049::lol-049: best check that smile in the mirror!might be looking a bit more predatory than charming these days ![or desperate!]

n brown
28-11-2012, 14:15
when you can't stop banging on about being old .

David & Ann
28-11-2012, 15:13
When you look at a yob doing something evil and you cannot do nothing about as you are tooooo old.

leewilliam
28-11-2012, 15:29
When you drive along in ya camper with a fleece over your legs. However i guess i am on the Isle of Skye.

mariesnowgoose
28-11-2012, 16:08
When you drive along in ya camper with a fleece over your legs. However i guess i am on the Isle of Skye.

That's not feeling old, that's just feeling cold. ;) :lol-053:

terrywolf
28-11-2012, 18:17
that means the heaters crap

MORGANTHEMOON
28-11-2012, 18:55
When you'd rather have a nice cup of tea than a sh*g.

terrywolf
28-11-2012, 19:44
thats sad mtm

tiderus
28-11-2012, 19:46
When the love of your life smiles,

10208

And you realise.

10207

Rgd's Graham.

Randonneur
28-11-2012, 20:08
When you see things on the antiques roadshow that you remember being able to buy new in the shops!! :banana: :wave:

maingate
28-11-2012, 20:26
When you'd rather have a nice cup of tea than a sh*g.

Aye, put the kettle on and I will join you. :sad:

MORGANTHEMOON
29-11-2012, 07:14
thats sad mtm

OK a Doombar.

terrywolf
29-11-2012, 13:44
plus can you remember how to make a cupper or the other

Tbear
29-11-2012, 20:09
When the barber offers to trim your eyebrows and senior citizens discount.:sad:

NomadSue2011
30-11-2012, 09:28
your kids see you safely across the road or carry your shopping bags for you.

Mine think I have entered my second childhood as I now go to to play as often as I can! 'Mum's NEVER at home when I telephone!' Where has she gone in her little van now?'

John H
30-11-2012, 10:10
When you'd rather have a nice cup of tea than a sh*g.

Thankyou! At last, evidence that I'm not old after all!:D


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