View Full Version : New recruitment idea for the forces

18-08-2013, 19:11
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces
thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists.
They say you can't be older than 42 to join the military.
They've got the whole thing arse- Up.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight,
they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join a military unit
until you're at least 35.

For starters,researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex
every 10 seconds.
Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day,
leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day
to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky,
and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier.
'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.'
We are normally bad-tempered and impatient,
and maybe letting us kill some arsehole,
that desperately deserves it will make us feel better
and shut us up for a while..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am.
Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell.
Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep
and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing
some fanatical son-of-a-bitch.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget
where we put them.
In fact, name, rank, and serial number
would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food.
We've also developed an appreciation for guns.
We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however...
I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side,
nor did I ever do any press-ups after completing basic training.

Actually,the running part is kind of a waste of energy,too...
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him.
He's still learning to shave,to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes,not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those terrorists.
The last thing an enemy would want to see
is a couple million pissed off old farts with bad attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!!
You think MEN have attitudes??

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!! If nothing else,
put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

18-08-2013, 19:45
Who'd empty the Thetford while we were gone?

18-08-2013, 20:12
And think how much state pension money the government would save with a few thousand less pensioners to pay out, ( cos' they've all been used as cannon fodder!! ).

18-08-2013, 20:25
And think how much state pension money the government would save with a few thousand less pensioners to pay out, ( cos' they've all been used as cannon fodder!! ).

Nah, us old farts would be far too smart to be conned into being cannon fodder. Being that bit closer to death makes you far more aware of the value of one's own life so we would be damn crafty at staying out of harm's way. err except for the self-harm from tripping over with loaded weapons or putting one's back out lifting ammo.

Sgt Majors would have to learn to cope with back-chat & piss-taking tho, plus rank insubordination.

18-08-2013, 20:39
Do you really think they'd let a bunch of, erm, "more mature" wild campers be in range of each other with live weapons?? :scared:

We have enough "Tiffs" on here already!!

(Although, at the moment, my own hit-list is quite short!) :):)