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tiderus
23-10-2013, 07:06
WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel' payment.
This is indeed a very exciting programme and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:

Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel' payment ?
A. It is money the government will send to taxpayers.

Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.

Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.

Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.

Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel' cheque wisely:

* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China, Taiwan or Sri Lanka

* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs

* If you purchase a computer it will go to India, Taiwan or China

* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and Guatemala
* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea
* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan

* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.

Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on prostitutes
4. Buying beer or whisky
5. Getting yourself a tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )

Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !

No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.
Rgd's Graham.

oldish hippy
23-10-2013, 07:12
A most helpfull post graham as per normal,

MORGANTHEMOON
23-10-2013, 07:26
Have you had a sleepless night Grayham?

Or just bored.

Smaug
23-10-2013, 09:23
Have you had a sleepless night Grayham?

Or just bored.

I think he found it on facebook or somewhere similar :rabbit:

Gemani2
23-10-2013, 10:08
My hubby, who turned 60 this year was looking forward to getting the winter fuel allowance , until we read that you had to be born before a date in 1952 to get it...he was born in 1953.... He's well p'd off!


And don't start me on when I can draw my pension.....assuming the powers to be dont change the state pension age Again by the time I get there, perhaps a small 'lump sum' should be paid out if you pop your clogs before you get your pension...a sort of ' gesture of goodwil' for all the years you've worked and paid taxes, stamp etc etc

BrianG
23-10-2013, 10:18
I have enjoyed the humour of this post but suggest it has deeper undertones which I totally agree with. That is it is not right all pensioners get this payment. It should be means tested, sensibly, as should most benefits. For example, pensioners on pension credit should be the only ones getting it. Just my opinion.

vwalan
23-10-2013, 11:21
its ok saying means tested ,but some have squandered their whole life and wasted all their income . some saved scraped by . possibly taking out private pensions etc . some bought a house so that rent wouldnt have to be payed later on in life . some never wanted to buy a house . means testing is actually flawed for this instance .
its a hard one to solve . for years its been said spend every penny you have dont save and govt will look after you . it does seem if you have wasted lots you can get more than the ones that have been frugal and saved for that rainy day .
yes some couldnt save they had a hard time scraping by . hard decisions to work out for sure.

Sharon the Cat
23-10-2013, 12:02
My hubby, who turned 60 this year was looking forward to getting the winter fuel allowance , until we read that you had to be born before a date in 1952 to get it...he was born in 1953.... He's well p'd off!

They changed the rules to match the changing retirement ages. A man born after a certain date qualifies on the day that a woman born on the same date is entitled to her pension. Same for bus passes I believe.


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