View Full Version : Britannia Rules The Air

11-11-2013, 16:29
The European Union is scheduled to adopt English as the standard aviation language for all future EU communications. Slightly modified English is to be specified which removes some of the idiosyncratic spelling found in standard English. The schedule for conversion is detailed below:

The European Union has announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for future European communications. As part of the overall agreement the United Kingdom Government have conceded some minute changes to Standard English spelling to improve understanding for all Europeans.

A five year phased implementation will be used to amend Standard English spelling to a format more understandable throughout Europe.

In the first year, ‘s’ will be used instead of the soft ‘c’. Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard ‘c’ will be replaced with ‘k’. Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced by ‘f’. This will make words like ‘fotograf’ 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double leters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent ‘e’s’ in the languag is disgrasful and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing ‘th’ by ‘z’ and ‘w’ by ‘v’.

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords kontaining‘ou’, and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombination of leters.

After zisfifz yer, ve vil have a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trbls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

Heinrich Xenophobe

11-11-2013, 16:49
Karnt w8 4 it.

oldish hippy
11-11-2013, 17:15
aready vere wif my speling

11-11-2013, 18:30
Is this for real?

11-11-2013, 21:38
Is this for real?

Of course it is :rolleyes::lol-049:

11-11-2013, 21:53
Is this for real?

You need to cut down on the weed silverweed. :)

11-11-2013, 22:06
Ironically, I understood every word!

12-11-2013, 07:10

12-11-2013, 10:09
Ziss is yor Kaptan speeking. If u kare to look out on zee starboard side, u vill c zat zee starboard engine is on fire. If u kare to look out on zee port side, you vill see zat ze port engine is on fire. If u kare to look below you vill see zee rubber dingy with six people on board. Ziss is myself and my crew. Ziss is a recorded message.

12-11-2013, 10:19

Minutes later.....

Calcutta control... Calcutta control... This is Mars orbiter one, Mars orbiter one... come in Calcutta control...

Hello this is Calcutta control.... Press 1 if you need flight control... press 2 if you want directions... press 3 if you want customer service... Please wait you are in a queue at the moment.....

13-11-2013, 19:46
vorsprung dorch tecknic.