View Full Version : Darwin Awards

15-01-2014, 12:23
Darwin Awards are out again:

It's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed,
honouring the least evolved among us ...

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his .38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim
during a hold-up in Brixton, would-be robber James Elliot did
something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried
the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the Honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting
machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his
insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger..
The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a
blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the
space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver
found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.
The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head
wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the
injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he
could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Tesco supermarket, put a 20 note on the counter,
and asked for change. When the assistant opened the till, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the assistent promptly provided. The man took the cash and fled, leaving the 20 note on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the till... 15.

[If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is it a crime?]

7. It seems that a Glasgow chap wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a brick through an off-licence window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The off-licence window was made of perspex. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a lady left a London shop, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The shop assistant rang 999 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the shop. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Brixton Times crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger
King at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The server turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the server said they weren't available for breakfast... The frustrated gunman walked away.


10. When a man attempted to siphon petrol from a motor home parked on a
Liverpool street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for.
Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a
motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man
admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into
the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined
to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had and the
twerp had been punished enough!

15-01-2014, 17:58
Interesting how these stories can be recycled especially the syphoning of the s***t tank.
First time it has moved to Liverpool,or is someone stereotyping?

15-01-2014, 18:14
Surely the point of the Darwin awards is that the recipient has removed themselves from the gene pool?
Just sayin'