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Toonman
18-05-2014, 22:07
A Glaswegian walks into the local job centre, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Awwriiiight big man... you know, I just dinna like being on benefit, I'd really rather huv a joab."

The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur/bodyguard for his nymphomaniac daughter. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips. You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.

You'll have a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting salary is 200,000 a year".

The Weegie says, "You're bull****tin' me!"

The Jobcentre Adviser says, "Aye well, you started it."

MikeH
19-05-2014, 08:31
After being on the dole for 12 years, Joe is asked to attend an interview at the local job centre.

"We see you have been unemployed a long time and would like to re-assess your position" says the interviewer. "First, can you tell us about any assets you have, any income or savings?"

"Well..", says Joe. "I have a 4 bedroom house, a nearly new Mercedes, a lovely new motorhome, 200 shares in Man United, 150 in Guinness, interests in several small businesses I financed...."

The interviewer interrupts "What? Are you serious? You have all this after being unemployed for so long?!"

"No, of course, not..", replies Joe "but you started it".


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