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View Full Version : Just to lighten things up a bit!



Siimplyloco
31-08-2014, 20:04
24559

A woman goes into Discount Fishing Supplies to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday.
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.

The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.



She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"

He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need
to know about it from the sound it makes."

She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb.Test line.
It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."

She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"

As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.

As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts.
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.

The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."

The woman is totally confused by this and asks,

"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"

"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."




Murphy's' old lady had been pregnant for some time and now the time had come. He brought her to the doctor and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at Murphy and said.

'Hey, Murph! You just had you a son,! 'Ain't dat grand, !

Murphy got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said,

'Hold on! We ain't finished yet, !'
The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said,

'Hey, Murph! You got you a daughter, !!!! She is a pretty lil ting, too....' Murphy got kind of puzzled by this and then the doctor said,

'Hold on, we aint got done yet, !'The doctor then delivered another boy and said, 'Murph, you just had yourself another boy, !'

Murphy said to the doctor, 'Doc, what caused all of dem babies,?' The doctor said,

'You never know Murph, it was probably something that happened during conception.'
Murphy said, 'Ah yeah, during conception.'

When Murph and his wife went home with their three children, he sat down with his wife and said, 'Mama, you remember dat night that we ran
out of Vaseline and we had to use dat dere 3-in-1 Oil.

'She said, 'Yeah, I remember dat night...'

Murph said, 'I'll tell you, .....it's a freaking' good ting we didn't use WD-40.



An Islamic suicide bomber died and went to heaven, as foretold. When he arrived there, he met Allah, and he said to Allah that he was ready to claim his virgins, as promised.

Out of curiosity he asked Allah why there were so many virgins in heaven.

Allah regarded him for a moment, then replied, "Actually, the 72 virgins are here in heaven because arseholes like you murdered them before they could experience the pleasure of sex. So you're here to service them.
Since they're virgins, they're quite sexually ravenous; and, frankly, you'll be on constant, exhausting duty. And I shall banish you from Paradise should you fail!"

The bomber responded, "Well, I guess I can live with that. How hard can it be to keep 72 women satisfied for all eternity?"

Allah replied, "Who said they were women?"


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