She was in the kitchen preparing the usual soft boiled eggs and toast
for breakfast, wearing only a T-shirt.
She turned to him and said softly, "we've got to have sex, right here, right now.
He couldn't believe his luck.
Without delay they screwed right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said "Thank you", and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt ripped and hanging loosely from her body.
Happy, but a little puzzled, he asked,
"what was that all about?"
She explained, "the egg timer's broken"!!

The wife has been missing for 2 weeks now.
The police have told me to prepare for the worst,
so I went down to the charity shop and got her clothes back!

Bought the missus some crotchless knickers yesterday.
It had nothing to do with a sexual nature.
It was so that she has a better grip on her broomstick!

I felt sorry for the hypnotist I saw last night. He hypnotized 7 blokes, then he tripped over the microphone cord and yelled "**** ME .............
What happened next will haunt me for ever