An old lady comes to her doctor and says, “Doctor, you know how you told me I should avoid going up and down stairs as much as possible?”
“Yes,” nods the doctor, “we agreed on that after the latest X-rays.”
“Well I don’t know if it was such a great recommendation. All the climbing up and down the rain gutter is really exhausting!”
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“Have you been sleeping by an open window, like I told you?” asks a doctor his patient.
“Yes, just like you said, doc.”
“And is the bronchitis gone now?”
“Not yet, so far the only things gone are my laptop and cellphone.”
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Two elderly ladies, Mabel and Evie, meet at a café for a nice cup of coffee and a cake.
After a while, Mabel peers closely at Evie and says, “Evie, it looks like you have a suppository in your ear!”
“What?”
“It looks like you have a suppository in your ear, Evie!” says Mabel a bit louder.
“Oh,” checks Evie, “you’re right! Drat, well, at least I know where my hearing aid is now.”
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Teacher: “Who do you think invented dancing, children?”
Little Johnny: “My guess is a big Irish family with just one bathroom.”
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Doctor says to the patient: “Your coughing sounds much better.”

The patient replies: “And no wonder. I spent a lot of time practicing.”
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I made a beginner’s mistake and went shopping on an empty stomach. I am now the happy owner of aisle 7.

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Give a man a fish and you will feed him for the day.
Teach a man to fish and he’s going to spend a fortune on gear he’ll only be using twice a year.
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Two mice meet and start chatting. “Look,” says one after a while, “I’ve got a new boyfriend!” and shows a picture on the mobile phone.
“OMG,” cries the other mouse, “that’s a bat!”
“What?! The guy told me he was a pilot!”
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Some nice Chinese couple gave me a very good camera in front of Buckingham Palace.
I didn’t really understand what they were saying, but it was very nice of them.
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