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Thread: For the ladies

  1. #1

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    For the ladies



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    I know it's quite long, but please read all of it, it's really funny, especially if you are a lady of a certain age, like me.

    I have an intruder in my house. Even though this lady is residing in my house, she could at some time appear in yours. Be alert.

    A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly didn't invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there & then the next day she was.

    She s a clever old lady & manages to keep out of sight most of the time, but whenever I pass a mirror I catch a glimpse of her & whenever I look in the mirror to check how I look, there she is hogging the whole thing & completely obliterating MY gorgeous face & body. This is very rude! I have tried screaming at her but she just screams back.

    The very least she could do is offer to contribute to some of the bills especially as she is always leaving lights on all over the house, but no! Every once in a while I will find a 10 note stuck in one of my coat pockets, or some loose change down the side of the sofa cushions, but it's not nearly enough.

    I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing from me as well. I go to the cash machine & take 100 out & a few days later it's all disappeared. I certainly don't spend money that quick, so I can only conclude the she s pilfering from me. You would think that she would spend some of that money to buy herself some wrinkle cream, she certainly needs it.

    And money isn't the only thing I think she's stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate, especially nice things like cake, cream & chocolate. She must have a sweet tooth but she had better watch herself as she is really piling on the pounds. I suspect that she realises this & to make herself feel better she is tampering with my bathroom scales to make me think that I am putting on weight too.

    For an old lady she really is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games like going in my wardrobe & altering my clothes so that they're too small for me & she messes with my letters & stuff so that I can't find anything. This is really annoying me as I am a very neat & organised person. When I do find them it's obvious that she's been messing with them as she's blurred all the print so that I can't read them. She has also done something to the volume controls on my tv & phone because all I can hear are mumbling & whispering.

    She has done other things too: like making my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier & all my door handles & taps harder to turn. She has even made my bed higher to make it harder for me to get in & out of it. Lately she's been messing with my shopping before I can put it away, she's glued the lids of the jars & bottles so I can't open them.

    She's taken all the fun out of going clothes shopping. When I try something on she stands in front of the changing room mirror & monopolises it. She looks absolutely ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus she stops me from seeing how good I look in them.

    Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner she proved me wrong. I went to get my photo taken for my bus pass & just as the camera clicked she jumped in front of me!

    I hope she never finds out where YOU live.
    You can take the girl out of Wales but you cannot take Wales out of the girl
    Thanks Tezza33 thanked for this post

  2. #2

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    Very clever, we also have an old man in our house

  3. #3

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    I've got one of those old ladies too, I think she is called 'wife'?
    Likes GinaRon liked this post

  4. #4

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    Watch out if she tries to make love to you in the mirror,she may be gay.
    Only dirty people wash

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