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Thread: Trying for a baby.

  1. #1

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    Trying for a baby.



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    Well we were 27 - 28 years ago.

    For two years Izzy & I tried to make a baby but it just wasn't happening, no matter how many times we slapped belly's and no matter what position we tried, it just wouldn't happen. Izzy thought she was barren, I thought I was firing blanks.
    Time to seek help, so we went to the docs who referred us to the fertility clinic at our local hospital.

    Caution: From this point on, things get a bit er, rum!

    A very nice nurse gave me a plastic jar and said "produce a sample!, looking quizzical at her she simply said "sperm". "Oh", I said
    So off I go into a small room and start to manipulate my love lance whilst imagining making love to Bridgett Bardot, oops I mean Izzy. Anyway after some time I could feel that I was drawing near to cumming so I put the plastic jar to my love lance.
    I spasmed! In my frenzy I got my my love lance caught inside the plastic jar and I couldn't pull the blooming thing off. So I started pacing round the small room looking like a deformed and frantic Dalek. Eventually, my rather splendid love lance wilted and I was able to withdraw from the plastic jar.

    26 years later:

    We are at the Jeff Mossy mini meet at Sandside and having a meal with everyone there. The conversation turned to babies so I volunteered the above story for a bit of a laugh.
    After further drinks we all wished each other goodnight and we retired to our respective MH's.

    In our MH:

    I am in the bathroom brushing my teeth, Izzy is in the bedroom.

    Izzy calls out "Fancy telling them that story".

    Me, "At least I didn't do the Dalek impression"

    Izzy, "What's that"?

    Me, "MASTERBAAATE, MAAASTTERRRBATEE." done in my best Dalek impression of EXTERMINATE.

    Izzy, corpsing in the bedroom screaming "stop it, oh stop it, I'm wetting myself. A common problem amongst women who have had children apparently!

    Me, MMMAAASTTERBBAAAATE I'm saying as I come out of the bathroom.

    To be confronted with the sight of Izzy still corpsing, knickers around her ankles ----and p1ssing into the dogs bowl!!!

    The dog has got it's head cocked to one side with the look that says, ***, REALLY???

    What made it worse, Izzy put the bowl on the floor and the dog shot to it thinking it was getting a late night supper.

    Anyway, the outcome of this saga is that we have a beautiful 26 year old daughter who we are immensely proud of.



    Told with the kind permission of Izzy.



    She just doesn't know it yet! Happy Birthday Izzy, loves ya babes.

  2. #2

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    First of all,

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY IZZY.

    Ral are you sure she gave her permission, especially about the last bit?

    You are incorrigible.

    Just noticed the last bit, your wicked.
    Last edited by yorkslass; 10-10-2018 at 10:32.
    Thanks izwozral thanked for this post

  3. #3
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    Glad Im not in his shoes when she finds out ,hows the dog by the way after having a drink out the pea pot😀👍

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    I must admit I felt a bit sorry for the dog ..

    ..
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    Am I the only one thinking it was a very small jar?





    Brightened my morning so thanks Ral
    Thanks izwozral thanked for this post

  6. #6

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    Quote Originally Posted by izwozral View Post
    Well we were 27 - 28 years ago.

    For two years Izzy & I tried to make a baby but it just wasn't happening, no matter how many times we slapped belly's and no matter what position we tried, it just wouldn't happen. Izzy thought she was barren, I thought I was firing blanks.
    Time to seek help, so we went to the docs who referred us to the fertility clinic at our local hospital.

    Caution: From this point on, things get a bit er, rum!

    A very nice nurse gave me a plastic jar and said "produce a sample!, looking quizzical at her she simply said "sperm". "Oh", I said
    So off I go into a small room and start to manipulate my love lance whilst imagining making love to Bridgett Bardot, oops I mean Izzy. Anyway after some time I could feel that I was drawing near to cumming so I put the plastic jar to my love lance.
    I spasmed! In my frenzy I got my my love lance caught inside the plastic jar and I couldn't pull the blooming thing off. So I started pacing round the small room looking like a deformed and frantic Dalek. Eventually, my rather splendid love lance wilted and I was able to withdraw from the plastic jar.

    26 years later:

    We are at the Jeff Mossy mini meet at Sandside and having a meal with everyone there. The conversation turned to babies so I volunteered the above story for a bit of a laugh.
    After further drinks we all wished each other goodnight and we retired to our respective MH's.

    In our MH:

    I am in the bathroom brushing my teeth, Izzy is in the bedroom.

    Izzy calls out "Fancy telling them that story".

    Me, "At least I didn't do the Dalek impression"

    Izzy, "What's that"?

    Me, "MASTERBAAATE, MAAASTTERRRBATEE." done in my best Dalek impression of EXTERMINATE.

    Izzy, corpsing in the bedroom screaming "stop it, oh stop it, I'm wetting myself. A common problem amongst women who have had children apparently!

    Me, MMMAAASTTERBBAAAATE I'm saying as I come out of the bathroom.

    To be confronted with the sight of Izzy still corpsing, knickers around her ankles ----and p1ssing into the dogs bowl!!!

    The dog has got it's head cocked to one side with the look that says, ***, REALLY???

    What made it worse, Izzy put the bowl on the floor and the dog shot to it thinking it was getting a late night supper.

    Anyway, the outcome of this saga is that we have a beautiful 26 year old daughter who we are immensely proud of.



    Told with the kind permission of Izzy.



    She just doesn't know it yet! Happy Birthday Izzy, loves ya babes.
    That is a huge amount of detail .

  7. #7
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    Pauljenny is offline Failed jackpot winner
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tezza33 View Post
    Am I the only one thinking it was a very small jar?


    :
    Brightened my morning so thanks Ral
    More like a thimble, probably.

    Happy birthday Izzy.
    You deserve better.
    It's not where you live... It's HOW you live..
    Thanks izwozral thanked for this post

  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by alcam View Post
    That is a huge amount of detail .
    I wonder if the phrase "TMI?" should have come to mind before posting that whole story
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  9. #9

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    Happy birthday Izzy

    As for Ral we have only just stopped pissing ourselves over the conversation in the pub and NOW just as we thought the conversation could not get any stranger you added part 2 . Cant wait until the next time at the pub for part 3
    Lipsmacking, thirst quenching, ace tasting, motivating, cool buzzing, high talking, fast living, ever giving, cool fizzing...........Cant remember

  10. #10

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    Quote Originally Posted by jeffmossy View Post
    Cant wait until the next time at the pub for part 3
    He might be on his own

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